i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
