he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
