I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
