Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
