he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
