I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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