You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
