office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
