Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
