Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I puked a lego.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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