the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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