Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
