Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
