Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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