You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
