I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
