why do cheetos always look like penises
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
