Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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