You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
