is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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