you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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