the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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