Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
