so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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