I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
