Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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