My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
