I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
40s are totally the cure
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
