could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
