She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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