I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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