i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
