I'm laying in your front yard are you home
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
