I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
