it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
