a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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