I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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