lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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