I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
