Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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