look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
