Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
sex in a hospital.. check
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
