What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
