Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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