Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
