ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
