I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
