so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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