i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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