real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
