Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
