His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
