i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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