My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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