I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
