I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
