Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
