yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize