We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
