If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
