I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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