No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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