Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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