is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
