I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
