ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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