Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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